Geometry of Time

Now and then
Later and tomorrow
Yes terday's future is today
and Now

Time Capsule
Some friends and I are making a time capsule - I haven't found out how long we are planning on having it buried before people dig it up, but it really doesn't matter much. We are looking at getting some archival ink gel pens and some acid-free paper and possibly some extra laminate or sealed paper. I think I'll include a small painting, It's a goose painted in the shape of an egg.
So what is time, we define block of it to organize our events, to help us be in the same place then. This week I did a number of things with other people, but now I'm completely alone, but I'm in a room full of people I've never spoken to.

So I have spent a massive amount of time this week, which is entirely the wrong way to put it. I made massive amounts of good time for myself this week. But I am at the end of that, I'm tired of myself.

CHAMELEON
reinvention and evolution and change
Right now I'm sad, but not really for any real reason, just disappointed in myself for being such a creature of habit. I truly find it hard to do new things, find new ways to do them, places to see, find and spend time, I am generally a nervous person and I have a really hard time doing the types of things that I've done for myself this year. It wasn't easy, it was like breaking down walls - facing massive fears, being very thankful and gratuitous, making sure to keep music in my life, and bringing back art. I literally changed my self identity this year. This "living life" thing seems really new to me, that's from the inside.
I forced myself to start going out to the First Fridays starting last fall, just a few months after my divorce. I had been trying and failing to get her to do more "Kansas City" things, because a big part of what goes wrong in a relationship is that we lost touch with fun - with each other, fun in general in our case. I owed it to myself to go out to the art shows. And I did, and it wasn't easy. I was nervous, didn't know where I was going, who I would see, if I would be compelled to talk to someone, would it be against my will?
After going alone a few times, I had the guts to start asking people to go with me, (I still wasn't painting again since about 2008 when my relationship blew up and I mainly focused on Graphic Design school) I was declined, and it was a good experience. It didn't hurt at all to be rejected. In fact I think it's kinda funny now. It wasn't even a real rejection, just a "have to work every Friday" But I was really scared of asking. Every time, still am.

I'm very patient. I have to be. I have to put up with me.

So I painted again in April of 2011, and none of them are really done, and it has been magical. It has expanded my universe and that is all we can ever ask for. Getting them completed isn't what's important. These are "process" paintings. The length of time it takes to complete the painting is also the length of time it takes for me to experience the things needed to complete the paintings.

I had been focusing on designing systems - but didn't know if I would ever be able to find a real reason other than for my own amusement. I have now come to realize that my particular skill set in this field fits - like a key to a lock - the gap that is needed to help us live on this planet for the next 7 generations. And I have been provided with the right sized group to do the job right. With little politics, and lots of music and art and fun. And the mystery is solved. Why don't I have kids? because you are. because I need the time to do the things to fix us up for the sustained.

NOW.